two weeks.

has been flying by.

every time I come home it's a very different experience than the last.
being an adult in the place you were a kid is a weird sensation.
I kinda like that I'm half-way reverting back to that. I really like my old room, and my house is so beautiful at christmas. I absolutely love driving around westminster and the surrounding parts of the county. I realize how beautiful this place is more and more with each visit back. I love seeing old friends after months and even years and discovering that nothing has changed even though our lives are completely different. I like being able to get a small portion of my life back from when I was much more carefree and passionate about it.

I also love how the holidays make everyone feel. everything is lit up and beautiful. the clothes are warm and cozy and hot chocolate is never-ending. everyone is just in a loving and giving mood. it's clear to see the spirit of Christ all around even though people sometimes don't register that it's such a huge part of why holidays are special. without that spirit, the holidays would be fun, but they wouldn't feel majestic.

being home for the break is so perfect, and I feel like it's been a confirmation that I need to go back to hawaii for this last semester rather than working before my mission. rather than skeptical and somewhat begrudging, I'm very suddenly excited for 2011 and what it will bring.
new classes
new roommates
new coworkers
new social circles
new resolutions
new perspectives
new habits
new understanding
new knowledge
and hopefully a lot more.


feliz navidad, y espero que tengan un año neuvo muy feliz.
yo sé que seré.

home for the holidays.

the weather outside is indeed frightful.
but I'm attempting to remain indoors, or walk to and from the car in less than 15 seconds so that I don't resent how cold it is.

I'm trying to stay very positive despite having icy feet because I'm just so excited to finally be home. Our house looks beautiful and smells like cinnamon and pie. delicious.

I absolutely cannot wait to see Colin and Jen and my nephews. My mom has so much fun stuff to do with them and I'm so excited! they've gotten so big from what I can see on Jen's blog and might be the funniest little boys ever. One thing I just realized, I'm the youngest and this will be the first christmas in forever that there will be little kids anxiously awaiting Santa's visit. it's going to be so cute watching them get all excited :]


I love christmas. I really do.
it's a beautiful time of year and it does beautiful things to people's hearts.


Merry Christmas everyone.

cliche

here's my post about how stressful finals week is.

...a lot.
I honestly don't even really know what's going on haha so I'm just goin with it.
I just know I still work this week and I'm panicking a little about getting everything done for my certification so I won't get fired...

and oh, this rain needs to stop.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost

laughter.

enjoy.


Passive Aggressive Notes
My Mom is a FOB
People of Walmart
Unrelated Captions
LameBook
Cake Wrecks
Unnecessary Quotation Marks

if only.

if I could have a conversation with any non-living person, it would be Kurt Vonnegut.

hands down.

majestic.

our christmas tree is giving off the most beautiful glow right now.
today has been splendid, and for so many reasons.

to name a few:
my postmodern lit teacher is increasingly becoming one of the most interesting people i have ever encountered.
i really missed seeing my classmates and coworkers during the break
it's nice to get back to a routine
day one of the facebook fast: success.
i was so productive!

I'm sitting in my living room because I can't sleep
all the lights are out but there's a beautiful glow from the colored lights lining the ceiling and our silver christmas tree which is complete with ornaments and candy canes.
accenting the lights and tree are strands of red garland and, the best part, stockings hung up on the entertainment center. my roommate even lit some candles and it smells like cinnamon and nutmeg.

the whole room is completely precious.

so being in this room right now after a great day, listening to josh groban sing about christmas, anticipating dinner with my dad tomorrow and knowing that in 18 days I'll be on my way home is making me extremely happy.

12 hours

not even a full day into the facebook fast and i already want to break it.

pathetic.

thankful :]

today being thanksgiving and all, I figured I would give in and do the cheesy what I'm thankful for post.

today I am grateful for:

skype
so I can talk to my sister in china and my parents and extended family in north carolina and pretend like I'm actually with them

my Casa de Chicas friends
for all getting together and having a family dinner tonight

my english major/spanish class besties
because they are awesome and maybe a little crazy at times but they give the best hugs and we have so much fun together

christmas music
because there's nothing like holiday cheer

there are alot more obviously but those are the ones that are feeling the most prominent today

hope everyone has a marvelous food-and-fun-filled thanksgiving :]

optimism.

anyone that interacts with me on a semi-regular basis knows a few basic things.

I am cynical. I am sarcastic. I am blunt. I am opinionated. I am judgmental. I am critical. I am negative.

but here's the thing; I understand and recognize those character traits are ones that I posses. I have known for years. I am fully aware that people can get a bad impression of me because those qualities are so frequently displayed.
guess what.
if I had a problem with that, I would have changed it when I won awards for my art of being a bitch in high school.

my cynicism comes from the fact that so many people have led me to understand the reality that people are not always decent or good.
my sarcasm comes from my ability to understand situations and the absurdity of them.
my blunt comments come from the belief that people should be honest rather than petty and fake.
my opinions come from life-long observations of how people act and the impression they give me.
my judgments come from noticing things that I hope not to be or do.
my criticism comes from being told to and having the natural ability to think analytically.
my negativity comes from an awareness of the bad that is all around me in situations, in others, and most importantly within myself.

you may not agree with my behaviors or my personality or my views on people and life but I don't need you to, just like I don't need to approve of yours. everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I am in no way saying that my negative character traits are acceptable and should be embraced by those around me. all I am saying is that you have your personality, and I have mine.
why in the world can't we both accept that?

if you don't like me, I encourage you to be honest and accepting of that opinion. I'm sorry that any positive qualities I might posses haven't been enough to overshadow your focus on my negative ones. but clearly you have reasons to think that way and I haven't tried to prevent you from forming that opinion.

so can we just accept the reality that we don't like each other and realize that life is still going on?

why am i still here?

can someone please tell me?

[disclaimer]
i hope no one takes this the wrong way, it's absolutely nothing personal.
i have so many friends here that i love to death and am so grateful for
and i really do love my job and the people ive been able to meet this semester
but...


tonight i realized something.
despite the fact that i've been a lot happier here than before, i still want to leave so badly.
if my parents called me in the morning and said

"we understand and support you, and we're ok with you not finishing the semester. it's ok, just let your boss know what's going on and that you're sorry you have to quit. put the ticket on the credit card, just come back and figure things out and that'll be fine."

i would pack my bags and leave for the airport immediately.

sitting here right now, i cannot think of a single thing that would make me hesitate to leave.
there are definitely things and people that i would miss deeply,
but not enough to keep me here.

i cannot wait to say my final farewell to this place.

summertime blues

if we're being completely honest here, I'm still not over what happened this summer.
the first month back exceeded my expectations of the happiness being home would create.
but then there was an angry phone call that carried with it hurt feelings, lost respect and broken hearts, and caused somewhat irreparable damage.

plain and simple,
what happened this summer broke my heart and I haven't done a very good job of putting it back together.
by the looks of things, it might be another two and a half years before any kind of real resolution comes.

everyday something reminds me of how bad this situation really is and I hate it.
is it so strange that I want to hate these people for ruining so many things in my life?

I want to hate them so badly, and for the rest of my life. but even more than I want to loathe them, I miss them being in my life.

hmm..

I don't usually blog about churchy stuff, but this has been really important to me lately, and I thought I'd share my thoughts.


I've been having a lot more spiritual experiences than usual lately.
I mean, it's been a conscious effort to make that the case, and it's working.
I'm a pretty huge fan of this.
especially after going to the open house, I cannot wait until I can go to the temple. Not to get married, and not to do baptisms with my ward. those are great reasons, but what I am really craving is the day that I can sit in the celestial room and have that feeling again. The place wasn't even dedicated and I've never felt peace like that in my whole life. I want to have hundreds of moments of being alone with the spirit in that room.
with that in mind, I've been trying to make some changes. It's been kinda rough, because they're really simple things that I've just been neglecting. Like morning prayer, loving my neighbor, forgiveness, and seeking opportunities to feel the spirit.
it's about two weeks into the 30 day goal my roommate and I have and it's been very hard, but I can already see the benefits. I feel the spirit so much more and I couldn't be happier about it.

I went to devotional today and I swear to you, that musical number came straight from angels. I was on the verge of an all-out breakdown. Chills, chest on fire, tearing up, everything. While I listened to that song I felt too infinite and larger-than-life to be contained within my body.
the concert choir sang How Great Thou Art. if I could pick one word to describe it, majestic.

so in the spirit of everyone's thankful posts, I am thankful for being a member of this church and the fact that I can feel the spirit of God around me and know that God loves me.

copycat.

since homesickness has been an increasing problem and I am currently stressed like crazy, my thoughts have been pretty negative lately. no bueno! I need to fix that.
so how about I get nice and cheesy for you all.

lets take a lesson from someone who knows how to stay positive.




my turn:

I like my house
I like my roommates
I like my bike
I like the rain
I like catchphrase
I like theater
I like postmodern lit
I like my teachers
I like my sweatpants
I like my classmates
I like spanish

let's kick it up a notch shall we?

I love my family
I love my niece and nephews
I love my friends
I love my coworkers
I love my job
I love the swings
I love clue
I love learning
I love the scriptures
I love music
I love people-watching


a little random, but go with it.
I think that's a pretty sufficient list for tonight, wouldn't you agree?

today,

I am feeling homesick.

the more time I spend away from home the more I realize what a beautiful place it is.
it's not just how pretty I think it is either, I'm appreciating the little things that make a place feel like home.

the things I miss the most:

thunderstorms and lightning
the color of leaves in the fall
my dog sleeping in my room
driving the back roads between all the farms
going to the big slide with friends
the comfy feeling of wearing fall clothes
the blue chair in the family room
watching cary grant movies in my parents room
the view of downtown westminster from mcdaniel hill
visiting my high school stage
the feeling of familiarity

I've tried really hard to embrace being here, and I absolutely love the family of friends that I have, but there's no denying it; this place is a waiting room.
it's a lull period.
it's an escape from reality

this is not home.
this is not where my heart feels at home.
this is not a place that will become my home.

I reside here, and I'm loving the experience,
but this place is not mine.

oh heck, let's go for round two.

these people remind me that acting is an art, and movies can be a masterpiece.

oh to be an artist of their caliber.

perspective.

uh-oh. this might be a long one.
I haven't really mapped it out in my mind, but I need to get stuff out.
journals take forever and my hands hurt from trying to write the thoughts as quickly as they come.


my thought processes have been changing.
no lie, in the past two weeks I feel like my mind has completely shifted it's m.o.
do you think it might be normal that I sometimes don't understand how my brain works? like really, how is that possible? that a person wouldn't understand their own brain and what's happening in there. I feel like that a lot. but especially the past few weeks.
I'm coasting through my days as my usual self, sometimes happy and funny, sometimes sarcastic and sullen, when all of a sudden I have very strong out-of-body thoughts. Like things I never ever think about especially not in a positive way have been popping up in my head and trying to convince me that they're desirable and ideal.
[sidenote: this isn't like, a temptation of the devil kind of thought, its actually something I'm supposed to want]

I was really nervous to turn twenty.and I was right to be. I was so skeptical because it meant I was in my twenties. what a strange sentence. have you ever thought about that? what being in your twenties means? generally speaking, it means that within the next five years or so the individual will likely be moving toward marriage and children and settling down in thst house in the suburbs. in the LDS community, it means within the next two or you're slow on the uptake.


I am so not ready to be the age where these things are a reality. I don't feel ready to be going through changes as significant as the ones happening to me. I am too analytical and obsessive to let myself go with the flow of the early-twenties. I am too set in my ways to be craving foreign things.
but now there is this person in my brain. she looks kind of like me, but her eyes are brighter and gentler, and she smiles at people more. she's kinda toward the back of my skull, and she's fighting hard to get all settled in, right up close to the windows in my eyes. she wants to change the way I see things. I think she knows what's best for me, but I don't know if I'm cool with this stranger taking control of my eyesight. will I like what I see when she does?

30 days.

I'm makin changes.
I need to get things together.
for 30 days.
lots of goals.
kinda nervous, but Bri is by my side.

30 days.
keep your fingers crossed for me.

let me introduce you

to an incredible person.
unforgettable.
genuine.
unique.
analytical.
hilarious.
spontaneous.
passionate.
driven.
insightful.
the most wise-beyond-her-years person I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

she was my best friend.
plain and simple, I miss her.

two years gone, two years too long.
♥ Caitlin Marie Boles

ugh

well this just hurts like two years today was yesterday.

rant much?

how could you possibly not understand basic rules of human interaction?
are you serious?
I genuinely can't figure out which is worse: you doing this because you enjoy making people hate you or because you really think your actions are an acceptable way to live and function.

what mystifies me more than your behavior is your obliviousness to how people view you. do you really not see it? do you genuinely have no idea how awful you are? I have not encountered a single redeeming quality in you. that has never happened to me before. even the people I hate the most in this world have touched my heart or won my favor in at least some minuscule way. but I literally have never had a good thing to say about you. don't misunderstand me, I do not waste my time talking to people about how much I dislike you, and I do understand that Christ loves everyone and as His follower I am commanded to love everyone as well. I love you. I will absolutely help you if you need it. I've done countless nice things for you already because I'm a relatively decent person. but honey, there's a clear distinction between love and like, and it works both ways. I love you, but I do not in any way like you.

how about you do us all a huge favor and take a good long look in the mirror of self-realization. it won't be a pretty sight.

this is in no way an attempt to make you better understand yourself for the desired end result that you will change so I can actually respect you and that we will become chummy and one day be old friends. definitely not.
this is purely because I find you annoying, and I believe in the freedom of expression.

is it weird

that my job at the Reading/Writing Center has exponentially increased my happiness here?

the combination of being a tutor and the people I get to work with have joined together to make some sort of magical upper that I've been floating on for weeks.

keep it up kids.

why?

according to good ol' Merriam-Webster, the definition of indecision is

a wavering between two or more possible courses of action

so I have this thing about words and analyzing their literal meaning and connotation and what they can imply and why each word is chosen as opposed to the millions of other possibilities.

"wavering"

that is the perfect word to describe my current indecision. it's not just that I can't figure out what to do with the next year. this is what happens in my indecision:
there are about three or four definitive and detailed courses of action that I have planned out for the next year. one day I discuss the details of these options with various people [friends, parents, siblings, roommates] and I dwell on all the aspects of that course in relation to the others and I dwell on it and pray about it and I decide, this is what I am going to do. I have my answer.
two days later, I have a moment or conversation that takes me completely by surprise and makes me think holy bananas, what was I thinking, it's so clear that course 1 was not correct and that course 2 or 3 is the clear and obvious route I should take.

can I just ask one question about this?
why??
I would much prefer to be equally confused everyday rather than fooled into thinking I can actually make a decision about my own life.

to the people that read this, I'm sorry this has been such a continuous theme for my blog lately but this is my place for expression right? and indecision is the only thing on my mind lately. it has taken over my brain and life and thoughts.

I think I want guidance right now more than I've ever wanted anything.

leave Britney alone.

great day.
fun at work, espanol, theater makeup, Glee with friends.

two weeks into fall semester and things are already radically different.
good? bad?
both.


I've found that I'm not sure what's happening with my personality.
High-school Erin is making a comeback. uh-oh. watch your back.
[that wasn't meant to be sarcastic or pompous, I'm genuinely concerned about how it will effect my friendships]

I've found that I'm starting to place the people I see regularly into one of the following categories.

person 1:
let's be frank, you are extremely annoying. your attention-whore nature is a little excessive and don't disillusion yourself by thinking I'm the only one who feels this way. don't get me wrong, you have your moments of awesomeness but they're increasingly few and far apart. when those moments do come it turns into "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". you can't stop. you're also much too needy and I need to get myself together before I can keep helping you.
what happened to your pedestal? I kept you up there for a while, and it's been yanked out from under you quite abruptly.

person 2:
where have you been this whole time? I've become intrigued and excited to get to know you as quickly as I lost my desire to know person 1. you're hilarious. you're pensive. you're witty. you're intriguing. you're genuine. you make me think that maybe my parents are on to something when they try to convince me to stay here. you're not new, I just hadn't taken the time to appreciate what I have when it comes to our friendship. how do I apologize for that kind of a mistake? if you know which words can cover it please tell me. thank you for being someone I instantly respect, being an example to me, and giving me more faith in people in general. apparently not everyone's crazy :]


I know we aren't supposed to judge, and we've been commanded to love everyone equally, but let's be honest.
I've never been the best at that.

life's tricky.

I had a conversation with my mom today about what I'm doing with life and what not.
She told me that this past summer that when I told her I was going to serve a mission in sacrament meeting one day she instantly knew that was why I'd had so much trouble deciding on what to do with my life. Because "you don't need to know yet".

Only problem is that the next year is not planned at all and I hate not having a plan. My mom thinks this is my lesson in how to "go with the flow". gross.

So, I've figured out some little details, but as far as the big stuff, I'm trying to just take what life hands me and take it one day at a time.

1. Monday morning I'm switching my major to English and dropping the Ed part.
- I don't want to teach here so I'm going to figure out what state I want to live in and then get my teaching certificate.
-a non-education major means a lot more job opportunities if I decide I don't want to teach.

2. I'm taking a course at the community college this summer to get my Event Planning Certification.

and that's all I got.

oh mickey.

cohabitation is kinda strange.
like living with someone who could very well be a small part of your life.
I've had new roommates every semester. some horrible. some even worse than that. some incredible. and some that worked perfectly.
generally speaking, when it comes to the people I cohabit with, I either love them or hate them.

guess who got lucky this semester?
this girl.

I have five roommates this time around thanks to the fact that BYUH is idiotic and admits more people than they have housing for, and I love every single one of them. I'm genuinely sad that I don't have the opportunity to spend more time with them at the house. I'm never home and i usually come home after they've gone to bed and leave after they're already in class in the morning.
it's kinda devastating because I know they all have a ton of fun together and I'm missing out.
I feel really lucky to live with them though, they still love me even though I'm not included in their inside jokes as much.
aaaand they made me the cutest birthday cake last night.
they're great.


new goal:
appreciate what I have, and spend more time at home.

I'd rather not.

Photograph, remembering the summer
It takes me back,
To Southern California.

Where the girls would all pass
On the boardwalk and laugh
At our desperate attempts and our sunburned backs
We never had a chance, I remember that
And no matter what we do,
We'll never lose what we had growing up.

Won't bring us down.
Yeah, growing up,
It won't bring us down,
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down

Graduate, what's a kid to do now?
Get away, yeah-ah.
We've got so much to prove.
Cause it's time to move on
And I'm stuck to let go,
But then Wonderwall comes on the radio,
I flashback to the night in your parent's yard,
When we drank too much and we talked about god...

Growing up, won't bring us down.
Growing up, it won't bring us down.
We're in this together,
Yeah, we'll make it somehow,
Nothing's gonna stop us now...
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down
Oh-oh-oh

Photograph, oh give me something to remember

Growing up, won't bring us down.
Growing up, it won't bring us down.
We're in this together,
Yeah, we'll make it somehow,
Nothing's gonna stop us now...
Growing up won't bring us down
Growing up won't bring us down (won't bring us down)
Growing up won't bring us down (won't bring us down)
Growing up won't bring us... down.

snap

back to reality.

break has been unbelievably fun. I feel so much closer to my friends than I did before just in a matter of a week. we've gone on so many adventures, had countless meaningful discussions, and made a thousand new memories.
I don't think I've laughed this hard in months.

it wasn't just a break from school either.
break from work
break from thinking
break from drama
break from obligations
break from fronts
break from caring
break from frustration

it was beautiful.
and now, there is one day left.
it's ending too quickly
but, as eminem so eloquently put it:

snap! back to reality.

dreams be dreams.

don't you just love a mellow day?

I started the day with some banana pancakes at Hukilau Cafe and when I got home some Jack Johnson was in order. it completely set the tone for the rest of the day.

today was simplistic and heart-warming.

the whole day was filled with ease.

I caught up with friends I hadn't spoken to in weeks and months.

I mixed my two separate worlds some more.

I was introduced to MasterChef. I've never been so embarrassed about my inability to cook.

I strengthened some friendships.

I spent the night with my close friends; laughing, bonding, and feeling like a family.

do you ever feel infinite?

I do.

tonight I was amazed.

I was amazed by the incredible strength of a friend.
both physical and spiritual.


tonight I feel how much I really love and care for my friends.
tonight I understand how distress can bring people together.
tonight I was able to release a lot of built up commotion in my brain.

I would prefer it if tonight never happened again.


ever.

anticipation.

I really hope a lot more people come for fall.
and I hope a large portion of them are NOT freshman.

I want to make more friends.
I want to make more memories.
I want to do more exciting things.
is that weird?

that I want these things that will only make it harder for me to leave in december?

I still want them though.
really badly.


things I want from my last three months in Hawaii:
reaffirmation that I'm making the right decision.
memories with my closest friends.
solidifying my friendships here so that I won't lose them.
to enjoy every bit of being here.
to realize that being here is still an adventure and not a routine.
to appreciate the gift I was given when Heavenly Father pretty much singled out this campus as my only option.
to understand that this will be one of the most incredible experiences I will ever have.



my indecision is getting extremely old.
literally every single day someone seems to be able to talk me into deciding the other option.

tonight one person put it like this:
"oh man, is Provo calling?"

that sentence horrified me.

almost there.

I've finally made the first half of my decision.

drumroll...

not that it's a big surprise or anything, I've been saying this for a while:

I will not be coming back to BYU Hawaii after Christmas.

it's a little sad I guess but it's what I need.

and now the hard part,

Utah or Oklahoma?

I'm really sick of all these ups and downs.
so not worth it.

oh, the roommate.

out of nowhere this morning.

looks up from computer and says with a smile:

"I love it when people dress their cats up in Halloween costumes"

words to live by.

"Take a sad song, and make it better."

new goal? perhaps.

I. Love. Tonight.

Let's talk about why.

Have you ever been to Kahuku Grill?

Delicious.

the mural inside is beautiful, the food is superb, the background music is perfect.

I love those types of restaurants. the kind that has patio seating so you can enjoy the terrific weather. the kind that seems a bit rundown in its exterior but never struggles to remain open. the kind of place that looks like you would get fast-food quality but the food melts in your mouth and activates suppressed tastebuds. the place where you feel completely comfortable and at home sitting at a table with your friends eating burgers and lunch plates.

So there's this place called 7th Hole.

It's in Kahuku, and people generally go there to have bonfires at night.

Tonight I am very pleased to announce, our little cluster of usuals broke out of our cycle. We did not watch a movie. We interacted with other people. We got out of Laie [just barely, but still..]. We had a marvelous time.

That place and I have a history. One of the most incredible experiences I've ever had was at that beach. November 6th 2008. Infinite. While I was dipping my toes in the water there again and taking in the majestic night sky, I missed Caitlin a lot more than I had in a while. I will never forget that place.

Friendship is a funny thing.

You're basically saying, "you meet my standards of an acceptable person to have around, is it mutual? yes? perfect, let's spend heaps of time together and come up with insane and phenomenal and hilarious memories and pray to God it lasts as long as we want it to"

I've found that I cling to my friends more than they could ever realize. I do not like to be alone. When I'm alone I can't be distracted from the things that are too complicated to let my mind figure out. I genuinely get a high from being around my friends. That feeling is magnified on nights when I can tangibly feel those bonds becoming stronger and new ones forming. I crave that feeling.

Tonight that occurred a lot.

In addition:

grape Nos is delicious.

I'm not convinced they didn't makeout ;]

Heff, the bestie, gave me a haircut at about 3:30 am

and threw in some bangs at about 4.

Across the Universe is an incredible film.

I am a movie nerd. So bad.

[if you made it all the way through this, kudos. for real. I just kinda needed to get it all out cuz I dont have my journal and I wanted to remember the way I felt tonight. Probably the happiest night I've had in months.]

now I know my ABCs

My bestie Heff did a blog about this and I'm a copycat.

So here's my life [right now at least,] in ABCs

:]

A is for

Admiration. I've come across a few people this term that I really want to be more like.

B is for

having a Bonfire tonight. and two of my best friends here, Bree and Becca.

C is for

Casey who I miss a lot, Crystal my roommate, and the fact that I never Cook.

D is for

Dead Poet's Society, my favorite movie.

E is for

Endless fun. my friends and I have been doing things non-stop.

F is for

Frida Kahlo, my beautifully colorful fish

G is for

Ghetto. aka this town. and Gerber daisies, my favorite flower.

H is for

Haleiwa Eats, my favorite restaurant.

I is for

Indecision, the thing that is taking over my life.

J is for

Joking around with people. It's fun to see them try to decide if I'm serious :]

K is for

Kickin arse in my spanish class.

L is for

Late nights, there seem to be a lot lately...

M is for

The Maine is having a concert here in a month and I LOVE that band.

N is for

making New friends.

O is for

Over-spending. I need to get that in check real quick.

P is for

Playgrounds, and Planning adventures.

Q is for

Quarrels. They seem to happen frequently.

R is for

Reading Writing Center tutor, my new job.

S is for

Sharisse, an incredible friend, Sommer, who I also miss way too much, and Sun.

T is for

really needing a Tan.

U is for

Utah. hmmm...

V is for

trying to Visualize how I want my life. unsuccessfully I might add.

W is for

Washing machines that do not work! ugh.

X is for

Xerox. I somehow jammed the copy machine at work today. failure.

Y is for

Yellow. I've been noticing that yellow makes me extremely happy lately.

Z is for

Zoolander movie night, the first time I had people over to my house.

premature quarter-life crisis

that's how I spent most of the day.

hawaii?
utah?
oklahoma?
english ed?
communications?
mission?
travel?
college?


nothing like hugely important life decisions to help weigh down your mind.

euphoria.

we're starting to get reacquainted.


:]

a lot can happen in 24 hours.

ya know,

shaking hands with Johnny Depp
movie night
trip to the beach
thai food
driving past JACK JOHNSON
and dessert at turtle bay.



not gonna lie, I was more excited about finally seeing Jack Johnson after two full years of hoping than I was to have touched Johnny Depp.

I absolutely love them both, but I've waited for the moment when I unexpectedly had the opportunity to lay eyes on a full-bearded Jack Johnson for soooooo long. It was magical.



did I mention I love living in Hawaii?
I certainly do now anyway.

"Time Passes Differently There"

have you ever seen the movie Stardust?
well part of the plot is that a boy [Tristan] must cross The Wall into the other world or whatever to retrieve the just-fallen star as a token of his love for a girl [Victoria] and he has to do it by her birthday which is in a week.

well, tonight as I watched with friends, both new and old, I realized that the meat of the movie could not possibly take less than a week. I didn't count how many times they went to sleep or anything but the passing-time montages spoke for themselves. it seemed like much longer.

and it reminded me of Hawaii. tomorrow marks two weeks since I've been back. I could swear it's been two months. each individual day seems to go by insanely fast, but I feel as though I never even left. as though this summer was a terrific dream gone horribly wrong half-way through. either that or I'm on crazy pills [don't get me wrong, that's a perfectly reasonable possibility]. all day tomorrow I will be thinking "It's only been two weeks?? You've got to be kidding me."



It's starting to sink in that the next five months are going to be long ones.

musica.

I love discovering new music.
Have you ever noticed the impact music can have?
It's a curious thing, words and notes being put together. Funny how such a simple concept can bring about such miraculous results.

One of my favorite things is when you have a certain feeling that you can't quite describe or put into words. Sure you can generalize it and encase it into a single adjective that doesn't quite encapsulate what really flows through you, but who wants that?
Well, my favorite thing is when you have a feeling that you can't express or even figure out by yourself and then one day, you're listening to Pandora.com and a song you've never heard comes on and suddenly you find that someone else has already found the perfect and precise way to combine ups and downs of melody with touching and expository lyrics to describe what you feel.

I distinctly remember the day I first heard "You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet on the Ground, I'll Be the Wings That Keep Your Heart in the Sky" [Mayday Parade], and it completely embodied how I felt about Matt's death and having to wait by the phone for any updates on how Caitlin was doing... for some reason it seemed to exactly describe my individual situation within the whole catastrophe of my best friend's passing.
something in my brain just clicked like a K'Nex set.

It happened again when I heard "Gone Away" [Lucy Schwartz], this summer after the insane drama the ensued while I was home. My emotions about the whole drawn-out fiasco were so random and all over the place that I legitimately went a little bit crazy. Too much in my life changed this summer and that song helped me understand my reaction to it better.


This is the kind of stuff that makes me so in love with music.
Want my respect?
have an ipod full of genuine, real, meaningful music.
or better, write your own songs and show me your soul.

"here by the ocean just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams"
[good band. great song.]


Here are some things you may not know about me:


I really love carrots.
Riding a bike makes me feel like I'm in the movie Now & Then and I love it.
If I had to pick one thing I'm the most grateful for, it's that I spent half of my life so far living overseas.
I am a firm believer that you have to question things to find answers.
I do not like to take a stance on the majority of political issues, and voting isn't my thing.
I want to learn to play the harmonica, and be better at the piano.




just some fun facts for you.

back and forth.

being in college makes me extremely frustrated.

I like spontaneity and all, but generally speaking, my day-to-day requires consistency.
so the whole:
hawaii three months
maryland two weeks
hawaii three months
maryland three months
hawaii five months

yeah, that thing, I'm not a huge fan.
the full day of travel time each way doesn't help either.

summer song.

Am I Bovvered?

I'm the first to admit,

I do not handle things well.
Stress stays inside me. It feeds and festers and overwhelms.
Anxiety, you are my closest friend. Whether I beg you to come by or you show up at my door unannounced, it's good to know you'll be here for a nice long visit.

I do not like:
change.
confusion.
people.
drama.
contention.
ignorance.




oh, and you. it's about time you got out of my life.
wouldn't you agree?

maturity.

you have it, or you don't.
do I? who knows.

you don't.

go ahead and say what you like. you're more disposable from my life than you could ever imagine. I sincerely hope you didn't fool yourself into thinking I care about any of this or about you.

three years is a long time, and who knows, it may turn into a lifelong circumstance.

with everything in me, I certainly hope so.

school.

I genuinely believe that I am and will always be a student at heart.
Ever since I can remember I have counted down the days until the end of August approached. The end of August means Fall. It means new beginnings. It means school supplies.

Fall is my favorite season. I mean, who doesn't love Spring and Summer, right? But Fall, that's where the magic happens. And not just because my birthday is in September, although that is extremely imprtant as well. An East-coast Fall is one of the most beautiful things you can be enveloped in. The multiple shades of red, orange, and yellow trees bring warmth to a person's soul. Watching and listening to thunderstorms in the late afternoon and evening always make me feel nostalgic and cozy. And as a girl, I must point out, the gradual drop in temperature makes need for the best clothing options out there. There is just something majestic about the feeling fall brings. Remind me why I moved to Hawaii?....I can't seem to remember. The only thing in my head are September's flaming trees alongside country roads.

I can never help but picture my years in the schoolyear format. A "year" to me is from one August to the next. Maybe that's just because the last 15 years of my life have been spent attending school full-time, but I hope that once I'm all growed up and have a real job and what not that I will still think of it that way. Screw January-January years. Woah, let's avoid that tangent. Because of my school-centered life, to me August means the fresh start I've been wanting for months. It means a new niche of friends, new classes and teachers to learn from, and new opportunities ahead [mostly with age progression]. New biginnings are my favorite.

Alright, was I the only kid who got an insanely strange sense of pleasure from buying school supplies? It was legitimately my favorite thing about school, which is saying a lot. I love love love school. I need routine and consistency, and having to be in school at 7:30am Monday-Friday certainly provided that. I loved learning and studying so that I could feel accomplished and like I had done something great that day. Tests were phenomenal. There are few things I love more than being handed a test, looking at it, and then thinking "Cake." But all of these things paled in comparison to how much I loved and still love buying school supplies! I secretly think that's a huge part of my desire to become a teacher. I will have the need to buy school supplies ALL THE TIME. What a beautiful thing that would be.


I feel like things are going by too quickly and incorrectly.
I live in a place that has two seasons: gorgeous sunny paradise and endless cold rain. Hello, incorporating Fall clothing is not an easy feat.
I'm going to be a junior in college in aproximately one month and I don't have a clue what I want to major in. I'm declared as English Education and Theater but will that just make me content or genuinely happy?
Most importantly, I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in my life starting around Decemeber. Fall semester will be over and I don't think I'll be calling Oahu home after that.
Having no plan freaks me out.

oklahoma.

is the coolest place ever.

I'm gonna need to move here.
like, for real.

I'm only here till Wdnesday but the days are going by so fast already and a I do not like it.
I feel like I've lived here my whole life and I want to for the rest of it.

it's decided.
done and done.

Dear Everyone,

head over to your local Journey's shoe store
pick up a copy of the free Get Out of the Garage Music Contest cd.
then play track 1- Adding to 100 Years of Silence
and then track 2- Bright Red Chords
and then track 1 again
and then track 2 again
and just keep repeating the four previous steps.
because those songs are addicting.

like a lot.

Lucy Schwartz

have a listen.
it's beautiful.



Gravity



I Don't Know a Thing




and my favorite: Gone Away

pirates.

have you ever seen this video?
I saw it a long time ago and have been reminded of how hilarious it is,
so I wanted to share it with you.
enjoy.

friday.

you know what's fun?
fridays.
I love them. and despite a few things, this week's was great.

thing 1:

I threw out my back today while shaving my legs. I could not move. I was just standing in the tub wearing a tee and bathing suit bottoms and I straight up could not move. awkward. stupid scoliosis!

solution:

nothing a little prescription pain meds won't fix. well, make slightly better at least....

thing 2:

the movie theater checks purses for outside food and drink now!!! say what?!?! I mean, me and my girl are just tryin to enjoy our chik-fil-a and a family friendly movie at the same time. who does that hurt? no one!

solution:

Case face and I are brilliant. and I used to work at the mall so I know everyone. best idea ever: go to a shoe store in the mall, ask for an empty box and a bag. place food in empty box, place box in bag, enter theater unquestioned :]


I'd say that only having two things to complain about all day makes it a success.
and I don't want folks thinkin I'm a glass-half-empty girl because there were also the lovely positive factors like:

beautiful weather.
strawberry colada snowball.
skype date with Joey.
scary movie night.
and of course, spending all day with my best friend :]

frozen grapes.

don't you hate it when it the day feels like a different one? I could have sworn today was wednesday. all day I thought it was. luckily I remembered in time to watch Glee.
and now, here I am, in the sunshine-yellow family room, sitting on the couch and my toes are a bit cold.
I'm also eating these:

[frozen grapes]

the sensation on my tongue is well worth the icy feet.

it's been a good day.
heck, it's been a good summer. a great one in fact.
relaxing, carefree, somewhat adventurous, and playful.

the only thing I would change is the weather. isn't it supposed to be april showers bring may flowers? I think mother nature forgot to change the month on her calendar because this rain will not stop.

desire.

Today I realized I know exactly what I want.
I had this strange daydream/vision thing appear in my head without any control over it.
It was a beautiful picture. would you like me to describe it to you?
I hope so, cuz here it is.

With purse in tow and keys in hand, I walked up to the door of my apartment. Which apartment? I'm not entirely sure. Not any in Hawaii. It was in a complex, I have a feeling it was just outside the city. Don't ask me which because I haven't the slightest. I could just tell from the feeling. The one where I know the hustle and bustle of the city is close enough to have, but just far enough that I don't have matching chaos in my brain.
Back to this vision...
I walk in the door and the apartment is tasteful. Clean, but lived-in. Simple decorations, nothing gaudy or cramped. Somewhere in my cranium lies the knowledge that one or two other people live there as well and if we weren't already friends, we get along perfectly. There is also the feeling that I have just gotten home from work, and at this point its a job in which Dad isn't still putting money in the bank account. I then drop my purse on the counter, and head to my bedroom where I grab the book from the nightstand, plop onto the bed, and start reading. And this incredible feeling of contentment washes over me.

The perfect kind of contentment. Where I'm not happy for no reason, but for at least that moment, I have nothing to complain about.

Additional info:
my hair was long. like, looong.
wearing jeans and heels... which I never do.
was utterly in love with said apartment and location.
no idea what city, what state, what country.
no idea what job.
no idea what roommates.

I think the last three are understandable considering I have no clue what to do with my life. All I know is I want that day, that moment, that feeling. And it seems like the location, the job, and the people turned out fine.

fingers crossed.

just to inform you

i will forever idolize this woman.

what a grump.

last night was perfect.
hilarious, nostalgic, spontaneous, mischievous, stealth, crazy, comforting.

today was splendid as well.
slept in, groceries! good workout, funny movies, shopping, very productive, and a mango smoothie to top it off.



then the clock read 9:12pm and a serious 180 took place.
i am so grumpy right now.
i do not like people right now.
its so effing hot in my house.
i do not want to be fake nice to people at church tomorrow.
my eyes itch because i'm allergic to my own dog.


do i feel like finding something to get me happy again?

not particularly. i think i'll stay extremely annoyed with everything for the time being thank you very much.

inconvenient?

very much so.

my computer is broken.
i'm pretty sure its legit done for this time.

hasn't turned on in three days.
time to find a replacement. awesome.

nostalgia.

they say home is where the heart is.
I think I left my heart at the WHS auditorium.



I'm always overwhelmed with how much I miss that particular stage.
mostly though, it's the view from center stage. McKay auditorium can never compare.

tonight I enjoyed what will probably be my last opportunity for the next three years to see a show back at the ol' alma mater.

Thoroughly Modern Millie.
Phenomenal.
the performance blew me away. I was not expecting that.

you killed it kids, and you made me proud.
thank you.

desert island.

well, Matty Patty texted me today and said "read my blog and call me after you've made one"
made a what?
......

a "desert island cd" that is under 80 minutes.
what does that even mean?

songs I can't live without?
songs that would take me out of a bad mood from being on a deserted island?
songs I would want to share with the natives if I found them?


I highly doubt it's the third one, but I'm just sayin...

so I went with songs that fall under categories one and two.



You Be The Anchor- Mayday Parade
Glitter In The Air- Pink
Details In The Fabric- Jason Mraz
YES- LMFAO
Beauty In The Breakdown- The Scene Aesthetic
Let Go- Dave Lichens
The Way We Talk- The Maine
Boston- Augustana
Electric Feel- MGMT
Don't Stop Believin'- Journey
Grace Kelly-Mika
Brat Pack- The Rocket Summer
Painting Flowers- All Time Low
Banana Pancakes- Jack Johnson
She's So Lovely- Scouting For Girls
Hey Jude- The Beatles
Walcott- Vampire Weekend
Viva La Vida- Coldplay
Let it Be- The Beatles (I would use the Across The Universe version though)
Wannabe- Spice Girls
Where I've Been- Hairspray The Musical

"excuse me??"

late and delightful night with Case face, Tompkins, and Mitcharoo.
movies, b-dubs, 7-11, movie at Tompkin's house, Mitcharoo took me home.
oh wait, detour.

impromptu decision to continue the current and very strange conversation taking place in the car, proceed to drive ALL OVER Suckminster.

pull in drive-way, say goodnight, walk in back door, lights are on, newspaper on the counter.
the clock reads 5:34am.
Papa Bear is getting ready for work.

walk up the stairs, almost make it to the bedroom and hear:
"erin? when did you get in last night?"

"umm................................................right about now......"

"excuse me??"


explanation that Mitcharoo had just dropped me off after a long, necessary, "personal", serious talk. track of time was non-existent of course.

I love Mitcharoo. Mostly, I love that the parentals love Mitcharoo so much.

all opposition to plans or ideas ceases at the simple mention that Mitch will be there.
it's like magic :]

FANTASTIC.

I. Love. Her.

end of story.

is it weird that sometimes I genuinely want to be like that?
GloZell, not Kesha-hot-mess-nasty.

"chlorophyll? more like borophyll!"

[Billy Madison]
I need a job or something.
On Sunday, I cleaned the kitchen for kicks. Just because.
Here's a formula for being an epic failure at having a productive first week back home:


Mama Dean is in recovery and can't be left alone [Papa Bear is at work all day]
+
Having a television in your place of residence
+
98% percent of friends are not back in Suckminster or are in still in school
+
Internet access and websites like Stumbleupon.com
+
No money


also, I basically have no obligations at all aside from making sure Mama Dean is doin alright.
So I have nothing that actually needs to be accomplished. The thought of that would be marvelous except I no longer live across the street from the beach.
bored. bored. bored. bored. bored. bored. bored. bored.


Dear friends away at college,
Stop caring about school and come back to hangout with me.
Thanks :]

different.

"They" say you can't ever really come home. I kind of like that idea.
Since leaving home, every time I have come back it's been a very different experience.


Christmas had mostly heartache and sadness.
Summer had betrayal and loneliness but once I found a new niche had adventures and bliss.
Christmas [the second] had contentment and comfort.
Summer [the second] ... I guess I'll just have to wait and see.


Every single time I come home it's foreign and new but I'm slowly learning that I don't want to come back to my past. It's nice to visit the location, but I will no longer be holding on to the memories, the mentality, or the mediocrity of what this place used to hold.


I'm itching for the new.
I want it in hoards.
Time to find out what the next three months will bring.

hmmm.

I fly home in ten hours. I am still packing at 2:27. [ahem, taking a break to get on facebook and all that jazz at 2:27] I am so tired. Like, eyes drooping.

This ridiculous jumble of emotions and reactions to leaving is quite the hassle.
I haven't said goodbye to a lot of people. Mostly I care about those friends who will be leaving on missions. I am a terrible letter writer. Crap.

Ok but seriously, the most prominent emotion right now is relief. It tastes excellent.
While my stomach may be repulsed at the fact that I completely broke down and had an energy drink, [don't drink soda anymore and caffeine is not good to me now] my brain is still all about that glorious sigh that unloads all the stress of the day.

number one: Mama Dean is doin' well folks.
her surgery went well and she's spending the night in the hospital, but I'm pretty sure she'll be home by the time I get there.

number two: the semester is done.
I'm a little ridiculously nervous about it. Ned can suck it. I really enjoyed taking his class, but the stress and his expectations are just too much. And the theater final? Let's just say I'd be perfectly happy never finding out that score. But it is now over and I get to relax for three months :]

number three: I'm surprised at how much I've gotten done to prepare for flying back.
don't get me wrong, there are a million things left, but I was expecting to have to work through the night.



back to work I suppose.

lists,

what happened??

why do you no longer bring joy but instead obligations???

I miss looking at you with irrational amounts of pleasure

now I look at you and see depression and restraint; the catalyst that prevents me from being free.


but as it turns out, in finals week a planner with detailed lists on every single day is a girl's best friend.

whoa, step back. let's not get carried away. that's what we call a momentary lapse of judgment, or just speaking too soon.
I'll give it the title of "way to cope" or "only thing preventing me from failing at life"
but the finals week lists will never be among my cluster of friends and things I hold dear.

uncomfortable.

question: have you ever realized how incredibly thin each layer of your skin is?
when a sunburn peels off, it departs in slices that put every deli-meat slicing master to shame.
thin enough that when held between two fingers it is almost possible to still feel the grooves on your fingertips through the teeny tiny layer of skin.
we're talking thin like the amount of ice my roommate is treading on with my temper.
thinner than a popped balloon.
it's really thin okay!


today i peeled a LITERAL millimeter thick piece of skin off the bottom of my foot.
turns out that when the material is something is as thin as human skin, a millimeter is quite a substantial amount.

pain.

alot.



Dear Bottom-of-your-foot-blisters,
it's so nice to welcome you to your new and well-earned place on the list of things Erin really really hates. Thank you so much for your efforts at being noticed. They have indeed succeeded.

dang.

there is something beautifully bitter-sweet about discovering a new favorite place six days before going home.

today is the final saturday for my winter semester 2010 experience.
my walls are bare, my bags are packed [ok, only one] and I'm getting antsy folks.

siiiiiiiick!

in the best way possible.
[the video below of course]

I'm just gonna keep the posts coming, cuz you know, that's just the way I wanna do it.

BACKGROUND:
the guys golf team at my school made this video of them making shots in the dorm lounges. they are incredible! just tryin to help em make it big :]

WATCH! seriously, it's amazing

cheerful.

I firmly believe that no matter how horrible my mood or how disastrous my day, Gerbera Daisies will never fail to make me happy.

beautiful.

shoutout!!!

today is a special day.
it's April Fools!
but more imprtantly...

Happy Birthday Eric Kokkola :]

to the other maybe three people that read this, you should check out his blog here.
amazing way with words
comical stories
and best of all, incredible taste in music.
i listen to as much of what he mentions as i can get my hands on.
check it fo sho.


in other news:

- acting class performance FINALLY OVER!
- research paper finished and ready to be turned in
- brain ready to explode from mixed emotions/ stress


Dear minivan,
get excited, because your favorite driver will be home in nine days. she cannot wait to get behind your steering wheel and to be ready to back out of the driveway for the first ride of the summer. she anxiously awaits the moment that she can turn the key, blast the radio, roll down the windows, and most of all be rekindle that special bond you two have.

it will be a special day.

carbonation.

is gross. for real.
I absolutely do not like soda.

well, rootbeer, pepsi, dr. pepper, and vault do have particularly delicious tastes that tempt me like you wouldn't believe,

but the carbonation is disgusting.

challenge: go two weeks or more without drinking any soda or energy drinks or stuff in the general family, and then take a sip of sprite.

I did it.

I'm probably going to have to include that first sip in my top five least favorite sensations to be had.
but sprite is an extreme case I suppose, because I think its alot more carbonated than most and also the flavor is just crap to begin with.


soda has become a bittersweet and love-hate relationship now.
if I ever drink some, its always just a sip. I can no longer get past the absurd and alien feeling that is those little bubbles clawing away at the edges of my throat as they head south.



what a shame, for I do love a good mountain dew.

words.

please excuse me while I digress into my well-hidden but extremely present inner-geek.


I like lists. I really do. I love them to the point that it's a little strange...
borderline unhealthy? heck, let's hope so.

do you know why I think I like lists so much?
because I love words. they're my favorite.

"WORDS ARE MY LIFE!!!!"

that line from Never Been Kissed pops in my head every time I think about words and how much I love them.

who needs rain drops on horrible-smelling roses or those stupid brown paper packages? ew.
hand me a poem or a really rich and substantial work of literature, and I could pee myself with contentment.



a few words to describe my day:

blissful
fulfilling
heartwarming
frustrating
sunny
contemplative
blessed
enriching

well folks, two ridiculously hectic weeks left and then as the good ol' Matthew Daniel Miller Owings would say,

"I live in my momma's house"

yesssssssssss :]

annoyed?

why yes i am.

1. my webcam doesnt work
2. my dvd drive doesnt work
3. my computer goes days without turning on [i basically need a new one]
4. my back/neck are killing me
5. i am red like a tomato
6. i hate living in this house
7. i want to go home

at this point, my homesickness has turned into pure frustration. like really? three weeks has to feel this long? why? ugh.



it was a rather splendid weekend. there were festivities, funny retorts, new friends, heart-to-hearts, creeper encounters, hours in the sun, deliciosness in the form of shave ice as well as phuket thai

pretty splendid indeed. i really did love it
and i just walked in my door and suddenly, terrible mood.
ew.

class in the morning. my feelings? kill me.

creeper.

seriously america??

an entirely new level of creeper status has been reached with the show If I Can Dream
it's a cool show, and they have weekly episodes on Hulu [its not a network affiliated show]
but the house that they live in has cameras EVERYWHERE and the show's website streams live video 24/7.

the only places not visible are the toilets and showers
the rest of the bathrooms and the entire house are fair game.

i mean yeah its cool that they can use footage from the house in the episodes, but 24/7 streaming online???

you can watch them sleep!
aqui!


weird.



why cant i stop watching????????

favorite.

i love love love love Nicholas Sparks books.
he's my favorite author, and this one is my new favorite, hands down.
who knows what the movie will entail but honestly, after reading it i feel like they would have to try to make a movie adaptaion bad

thinking.

and stuff.

waiting for class to start
sitting in the library

list time.

things i am excited about:

1. seeing my mom and dad
2. living in a normal house where everything you need is just there. safety pins!
3. MINIVAN
4. case face and matty patty
5. friends
6. purdalicious/ the musical
7.MINIVAN
8. going to the harbor!
seriously i cannot wait.
9. red robin
10. denny's with my favorites
11.MINIVAN
12. bear
13. everywhere i want to go is under a 30 minute drive
14. tv
15. MINIVAN
16. trees



some are really random, but its the truth.

obsessed.

with the Alice in Wonderland soundtrack.

uh-may-zing.

incredible. every bit of it.
well, the avril lavigne song isn't anything special really, but EVERYTHING ELSE.


1. 'Alice (Underground)' by Avril Lavigne
2. 'The Poison' by The All-American Rejects
3. 'The Technicolor Phase' by Owl City
4. 'Her Name Is Alice' by Shinedown
5. 'Painting Flowers' by All Time Low
6. 'Where's My Angel' by Metro Station
7. 'Strange' by Tokio Hotel and Kerli
8. 'Follow Me Down' by 3OH!3 featuring Neon Hitch
9. 'Very Good Advice' by Robert Smith
10. 'In Transit' by Mark Hoppus with Pete Wentz
11. 'Welcome to Mystery' by Plain White T's
12. 'Tea Party' by Kerli
13. 'The Lobster Quadrille' by Franz Ferdinand
14. 'Running Out of Time' by Motion City Soundtrack
15. 'Fell Down a Hole' by Wolfmother
16. 'White Rabbit' by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals



i like the soundtrack way more than the movie, which i still enjoyed

ambiance.

in the following: perfection.

&

haleiwa eats and waialua bakery.

two of my favorite places here.



this week's highlights:

- dinner at jacqueline's wednesday
- dance concert on campus later that night
- 90% on my doctrine & covenants midterm
- haleiwa eats friday, completely perfect.

and to finish off a fantastic friday night, erika and I went to sharisse's to watch the following and spend the night.

potato,

potahto.
aka, life goes on.

hawaii is cold during winter semester. cold and rainy. all the time.
but hey, grab a sweater.

i have definitely learned a lot this semester about me and everyone else.
my friends are constantly saying things like
"who are you"
"what the heck is happening to you"
"where is last-semester erin"
because of all the random yet strangely significant changes that are taking place.

i like saturday night live
i'm increasingly tolerant of annoying people
my friend hierarchy has made some changes
"friend hierarchy" sounds really pompous but i cant think of another way to phrase it...
i barely invite people over in comparison to last fall
i do my homework. like, just because i'm bored.
and the most shocking of all:

i think kids are cute. like legit adorable.

sidenote, they still terrify me and my enthusiasm for having them has not increased in any way,
but i now concede that children seem pretty fun as a general idea. they're cute and surprisingly funny.


who knows what else will happen.

fact.

the most meaningful conversations take place after 1am.
the most meaningful
the most insightful
the most important
the most helpful

all of them.

wow.

I don't even really understand how this is possible.
but thanks to my good friend Stumbleupon.com, I have been shown something remarkable.

WARNING! aka, MOM: yes there are a few instances of profanity, and yes it is very likely you will not like this video. Spare yourself. If you do however watch it, please take a moment before calling me upset to realize that it IS funny and leaves you in awe.

thank you.

summer.

i will be home in exactly six weeks.

feelings? ecstatic. and motivated.

dad had to cancel his trip to stay with mama dean which i totally get and is definitely the better option, but still kinda sucks. i guess i didn't realize how much i appreciate his business trips here.

also i need to get my tan on. i can't have a repeat of last time when people were all like "what happened, you still look pale"

in other news: GO SEE SHUTTER ISLAND. i want to see it again to fully comprehend it because the ending leaves you with this pleasurably mystified look on your face and a feeling of what the heck just happened to my brain?
good stuff. it wasn't as scary as the trailer would like you to believe but it absolutely makes up for it with suspense and complicated plot twists that are truly epic.


back to being home in six weeks:
i have no idea what to do with all my crap while i'm home for the summer.
i have alot. no good.
i really need to go through my clothes and get rid of stuff i never wear because its taking up too much space and now that dad cant take some stuff home after his trip, i don't know how to get it back!!


song: walcott by vampire weekend

today.

was a beautiful day.

went to the beach on north shore -spot where all the tourists stop to look for turtles. surprisingly great beach.
drove a little further to matsumoto's shave ice for guava & lime, my favorite.
stopped in waialua bakery to say hi to the old roommate and her fam.
drove back to laie with the windows down and music at medium level. just enough to sing along.
took a dip in hukilau to cool off and had a conversation that came up with the conclusion:

life is going pretty well when it doesn't take some special occasion or interesting adventure to realize that you have had an incredible day.
if you can just drive around with your friend and get some shave ice and feel like you've had a surprisingly great time, things are looking good for you.


especially considering that almost every day this semester has been like that.

new goal: appreciate that my life is extremely blessed.



song: They Bring Me To You - Erin McCarley & Joshua Radin