desire.

Today I realized I know exactly what I want.
I had this strange daydream/vision thing appear in my head without any control over it.
It was a beautiful picture. would you like me to describe it to you?
I hope so, cuz here it is.

With purse in tow and keys in hand, I walked up to the door of my apartment. Which apartment? I'm not entirely sure. Not any in Hawaii. It was in a complex, I have a feeling it was just outside the city. Don't ask me which because I haven't the slightest. I could just tell from the feeling. The one where I know the hustle and bustle of the city is close enough to have, but just far enough that I don't have matching chaos in my brain.
Back to this vision...
I walk in the door and the apartment is tasteful. Clean, but lived-in. Simple decorations, nothing gaudy or cramped. Somewhere in my cranium lies the knowledge that one or two other people live there as well and if we weren't already friends, we get along perfectly. There is also the feeling that I have just gotten home from work, and at this point its a job in which Dad isn't still putting money in the bank account. I then drop my purse on the counter, and head to my bedroom where I grab the book from the nightstand, plop onto the bed, and start reading. And this incredible feeling of contentment washes over me.

The perfect kind of contentment. Where I'm not happy for no reason, but for at least that moment, I have nothing to complain about.

Additional info:
my hair was long. like, looong.
wearing jeans and heels... which I never do.
was utterly in love with said apartment and location.
no idea what city, what state, what country.
no idea what job.
no idea what roommates.

I think the last three are understandable considering I have no clue what to do with my life. All I know is I want that day, that moment, that feeling. And it seems like the location, the job, and the people turned out fine.

fingers crossed.