almost there.

I've finally made the first half of my decision.

drumroll...

not that it's a big surprise or anything, I've been saying this for a while:

I will not be coming back to BYU Hawaii after Christmas.

it's a little sad I guess but it's what I need.

and now the hard part,

Utah or Oklahoma?

I'm really sick of all these ups and downs.
so not worth it.

oh, the roommate.

out of nowhere this morning.

looks up from computer and says with a smile:

"I love it when people dress their cats up in Halloween costumes"

words to live by.

"Take a sad song, and make it better."

new goal? perhaps.

I. Love. Tonight.

Let's talk about why.

Have you ever been to Kahuku Grill?

Delicious.

the mural inside is beautiful, the food is superb, the background music is perfect.

I love those types of restaurants. the kind that has patio seating so you can enjoy the terrific weather. the kind that seems a bit rundown in its exterior but never struggles to remain open. the kind of place that looks like you would get fast-food quality but the food melts in your mouth and activates suppressed tastebuds. the place where you feel completely comfortable and at home sitting at a table with your friends eating burgers and lunch plates.

So there's this place called 7th Hole.

It's in Kahuku, and people generally go there to have bonfires at night.

Tonight I am very pleased to announce, our little cluster of usuals broke out of our cycle. We did not watch a movie. We interacted with other people. We got out of Laie [just barely, but still..]. We had a marvelous time.

That place and I have a history. One of the most incredible experiences I've ever had was at that beach. November 6th 2008. Infinite. While I was dipping my toes in the water there again and taking in the majestic night sky, I missed Caitlin a lot more than I had in a while. I will never forget that place.

Friendship is a funny thing.

You're basically saying, "you meet my standards of an acceptable person to have around, is it mutual? yes? perfect, let's spend heaps of time together and come up with insane and phenomenal and hilarious memories and pray to God it lasts as long as we want it to"

I've found that I cling to my friends more than they could ever realize. I do not like to be alone. When I'm alone I can't be distracted from the things that are too complicated to let my mind figure out. I genuinely get a high from being around my friends. That feeling is magnified on nights when I can tangibly feel those bonds becoming stronger and new ones forming. I crave that feeling.

Tonight that occurred a lot.

In addition:

grape Nos is delicious.

I'm not convinced they didn't makeout ;]

Heff, the bestie, gave me a haircut at about 3:30 am

and threw in some bangs at about 4.

Across the Universe is an incredible film.

I am a movie nerd. So bad.

[if you made it all the way through this, kudos. for real. I just kinda needed to get it all out cuz I dont have my journal and I wanted to remember the way I felt tonight. Probably the happiest night I've had in months.]

now I know my ABCs

My bestie Heff did a blog about this and I'm a copycat.

So here's my life [right now at least,] in ABCs

:]

A is for

Admiration. I've come across a few people this term that I really want to be more like.

B is for

having a Bonfire tonight. and two of my best friends here, Bree and Becca.

C is for

Casey who I miss a lot, Crystal my roommate, and the fact that I never Cook.

D is for

Dead Poet's Society, my favorite movie.

E is for

Endless fun. my friends and I have been doing things non-stop.

F is for

Frida Kahlo, my beautifully colorful fish

G is for

Ghetto. aka this town. and Gerber daisies, my favorite flower.

H is for

Haleiwa Eats, my favorite restaurant.

I is for

Indecision, the thing that is taking over my life.

J is for

Joking around with people. It's fun to see them try to decide if I'm serious :]

K is for

Kickin arse in my spanish class.

L is for

Late nights, there seem to be a lot lately...

M is for

The Maine is having a concert here in a month and I LOVE that band.

N is for

making New friends.

O is for

Over-spending. I need to get that in check real quick.

P is for

Playgrounds, and Planning adventures.

Q is for

Quarrels. They seem to happen frequently.

R is for

Reading Writing Center tutor, my new job.

S is for

Sharisse, an incredible friend, Sommer, who I also miss way too much, and Sun.

T is for

really needing a Tan.

U is for

Utah. hmmm...

V is for

trying to Visualize how I want my life. unsuccessfully I might add.

W is for

Washing machines that do not work! ugh.

X is for

Xerox. I somehow jammed the copy machine at work today. failure.

Y is for

Yellow. I've been noticing that yellow makes me extremely happy lately.

Z is for

Zoolander movie night, the first time I had people over to my house.

premature quarter-life crisis

that's how I spent most of the day.

hawaii?
utah?
oklahoma?
english ed?
communications?
mission?
travel?
college?


nothing like hugely important life decisions to help weigh down your mind.

euphoria.

we're starting to get reacquainted.


:]

a lot can happen in 24 hours.

ya know,

shaking hands with Johnny Depp
movie night
trip to the beach
thai food
driving past JACK JOHNSON
and dessert at turtle bay.



not gonna lie, I was more excited about finally seeing Jack Johnson after two full years of hoping than I was to have touched Johnny Depp.

I absolutely love them both, but I've waited for the moment when I unexpectedly had the opportunity to lay eyes on a full-bearded Jack Johnson for soooooo long. It was magical.



did I mention I love living in Hawaii?
I certainly do now anyway.

"Time Passes Differently There"

have you ever seen the movie Stardust?
well part of the plot is that a boy [Tristan] must cross The Wall into the other world or whatever to retrieve the just-fallen star as a token of his love for a girl [Victoria] and he has to do it by her birthday which is in a week.

well, tonight as I watched with friends, both new and old, I realized that the meat of the movie could not possibly take less than a week. I didn't count how many times they went to sleep or anything but the passing-time montages spoke for themselves. it seemed like much longer.

and it reminded me of Hawaii. tomorrow marks two weeks since I've been back. I could swear it's been two months. each individual day seems to go by insanely fast, but I feel as though I never even left. as though this summer was a terrific dream gone horribly wrong half-way through. either that or I'm on crazy pills [don't get me wrong, that's a perfectly reasonable possibility]. all day tomorrow I will be thinking "It's only been two weeks?? You've got to be kidding me."



It's starting to sink in that the next five months are going to be long ones.